Ambition-less Girl

Let me tell you about Nikki Johnson. We’ve been friends for years but I never understood her. No one in our crew did.We all aspired to do something meaningful in our lives but somewhere down the path Nikki decided to go on a different route- and I’ll tell you right now, just because it’s a different path, it doesn’t mean it’s the right one.
Nikki decided to drop out of college our freshman year. Her major was undecided and she didn’t know what she wanted to do with her life, which was normal at that age. But now that we’re all 27 and trying to break through in our careers and struggling, Nikki is the only one who isn’t. She doesn’t have a career but she’s far from struggling. She always has her nails and toes done. Hair is always laid to the Gods. Latest kicks, heels, bags, perfumes- she got it. Men worshiped her. Except for one- Jeremy. They met through a mutual friend. Things were going well until Jeremy realized Nikki was nothing but a pretty face. After two weeks of seeing Jeremy he started calling her out on her bullshit. She wasn’t used to that.
“Yo what do you do all day?” He asked her while they were out having lunch.
“Chill with my girls, shop, go out to eat, look for a job.”
“What kind of job?”
“Doesn’t really matter. Anything.”
“What was your last job?”
“I worked at a club.”
“And before that?”
“At another club.”
“Doing what?”
“Does it matter?” Nikki snapped.
“I’m just trying to get to know you better. See what you’re about.”
“I’m chill, laid back, I keep up with my looks, and I love clothes.” She took a bite out of her burger.
“What chu got up here though?” Jeremy tapped his head.
“What you mean? I’m street smart. That’s all i need.”
Jeremy shook his head, ready to drop the conversation but it was too late. Nikki was already pissed.
“What? That ain’t enough for you?”
“Personally? Nah it ain’t. It’s not hard to find a pretty face. I like a bright mind attached to a pretty face.”
“You didn’t have a problem with just my pretty face when we met, or the last few times we went out.”
“I want more. No doubt, you bad Nikki, but I want more.”
“I can give you more,” She said seductively. Jeremy smiled and shook his head.
They finished eating and got in his car. It was a warm day so Jeremy opened his sun roof. Nikki took out her phone and took a selfie with her hair blowing in the wind.
“You bout to show your followers some love today?” Jeremy asked.
“You know it! All 13K of them,” she said proudly.
21 Savage’s and Future’s song came up on the radio and they sang along.
Jasmine put on her shades and opened her Snapchat app and recorded herself as the chorus played.
” I’m just stuntin’ on my ex. I’m just flexin’ on my ex. Hold up, I’m just stuntin’ on my ex.”
“You stunting on your ex?” Jeremy asked. “Don’t that get tiring?”
Jasmine laughed it off.
She then turned the camera to him and said “Relationship goals!”
They came to a red light and the radio station went on commercial. Jasmine took this as an opportunity to ask him for something.
“Babe, can you buy me these shoes I want?”
He looked at her and laughed. Jasmine didn’t know what was so funny.
He looked her up and down. She had on tight ripped jeans- her favorite from FashionNova, a shirt with a low v neck accentuating her breasts, heels, and her Gucci bag on her lap.
“You got a $2,000 pocketbook but can’t put your hands on $200. Tell me you don’t see the problem with that.”
“So you’re saying no?”
“I’m saying hell no.”
“I have to pay my rent soon.”
“Didn’t anyone ever teach you not to spend on what you want and beg for what you need?”
“Woah! I’m not begging for nothing. And i didn’t ask you to pay for my rent. I was just saying.” She said with an attitude.
“Uh huh. Sure.”
As if perfect timing, Migos song, T-shirt, came on the radio and Jeremy rapped along loudly.
“Yeah shawty bad, but she broke cause she don’t own shit.”
Nikki wasn’t even paying attention. She was busy posting her selfie on Instagram making sure the sun roof was in the picture.
They finally got to her house and Nikki got out.
“You want to come in?”
“Nah, I’m good.”
“Okay. You gonna call me?”
“Nah. No offense but you seem like a gold digger and that’s not really my thing. I like goal diggers.” With that said, he sped off.
Jeremy stopped texting and calling her Nikki. She would call me and Stacy and complain. Stacy told her to move on and find someone else. I told her to get her life together. Jeremy was the third guy to be turned off by her lack of ambition. You would think she’d get a hint by now.
“Since you like clothes so much why don’t you start a clothing line?” I suggested to her.
“It’s too much work,” She grumbled.
“It’s not like you do anything all day,” Stacy stated.
“Shut up,” Nikki said.
“Seriously Nikki. You have to be serious about something. Can’t keep jumping from job to job. You’re getting too old to be this unstable.” I said
“Jasmine, I’m happy with my life the way it is. It’s my life.”
“Then why did you call us if you don’t care?” Stacy snapped.
“Oh my God Stacy, Shut up! I don’t even know why i called you.” Nikki said.
“You called because this is different. Jeremy is different for you.” I said.
“Jas, He’s not different. It’s the same situation. She knows what we’re going to say.” I can feel Stacy rolling her eyes on the other end of the phone. She was certainly getting tired of Nikki’s antics.
“Maybe she’s finally seeing that she needs to get her own money and not rely on men?”
“Hmm I didn’t say all of that.” Nikki laughed.
“This isn’t funny.” Stacy said annoyingly. “I have to go. I promised Jamal I’d call him tonight.” She hung up.
“Someone needs to get laid,” Nikki said.
“No, she’s right. She’s annoyed that we keep having this conversation with you.”
“I guess it’s time for a change.”
Nikki reached out to Jeremy again telling her to give her another chance.
The next time they were together she admitted to him that she needed help.
“I’ve never had anyone care about me having a future except my close friends. And I’ve blocked their words out for so long i think i need a fresh voice.”
“No other man has ever walked away from you for your lack of ambition?” He asked surprised.
“They have but”, she nibbled on her bottom lip. “Not until months later. They weren’t really interested in my future. They only used it as their excuse to leave.”
“I see. They just wanted your body.”
“So what do you want from me?” He asked nonchalantly.
“I honestly don’t know. For now your support.”
“You got it. Is that all?” He said coldly.
“Are you mad at me?”
“No. I’m over whatever this is. I lost interest. But if you want me to be there for you while you go on a self reflection journey, I got you.”
“I want more than that from you though. Give us another chance. I’m changing.”
“I hope you’re not changing for me.”
“No, it’s for me.”
“Okay, cool. I still don’t know about us though.”
Three weeks later Nikki had a resume full of lies of experience. But it didn’t matter, as long as she got a job. She sent her resume out to different job placement companies and waited for feedback.
“Any news?” Jeremy asked her.
“No, not yet.”
“Have you called them?”
“Have you emailed them?”
“You’re not helping yourself,” he said frustrated.
“I plan on doing it this week.”
“This week? You mean today?”
“Yeah i guess i can do it today.”
Another three weeks went by and Nikki got a temp position as an administrative assistant with a small company. She was more proud of herself than she ever was. She called me and Stacy up to go have drinks with her.
“Congrats!” We made a toast.
“Nikki, you don’t have your nails done,” Stacy said surprisingly.
“I haven’t seen you not have your nails done since…I don’t even know. Its been that long.” I said.
“I got no one to pay for my nails.”
“Aren’t you still with Jeremy?” Stacy asked.
“Yeah, but he’s concerned about other things. Like what’s in here.” She mimicked him and tapped her head.
Stacy and I laughed.
“It”s not funny,” Stacy said with a straight face.
“I guess this guy is different for you.” I said
“So what do you have up here,” Stacy tapped her head.
Nikki didn’t say anything. She didn’t want to admit that there wasn’t too much there aside from looking good and going clubbing and the thrill of being picked up. She didnt want to admit that Jeremy still doesn’t want to be with her and it’s killing her because this is the shortest span of time that a man has lost interest in her.
“I’m trying not to run back to guys I’ve been with before,” she changed the subject. “If i do, one of them is paying for my nails.” She faked a laugh.
“Why not just ask Jeremy?” Stacy pressed.
“Because I don’t want him to think I only want him for his money and what he can do for me.”
“But that’s why you date them Nikki. You’ve always said this.”
“She’s trying to change Stacy,” I chimed in.
“Yeah, for the wrong reason. For a guy. If it doesn’t work out with Jeremy, she’s just going to go back to her old ways.”
“So little faith you have in me,” Nikki rolled her eyes.
“I would have faith if you did it for you. And if you actually took the advice we’ve been giving you for years.”
“Whatever,” Nikki said
“Whoa guys. We’re here to celebrate. Nikki got a decent job.”
“I’ve had jobs!” Nikki yelled.
“Yeah, as cage dancers and club girls, and -”
“That’s enough,” I stepped in.
“I’m just saying, shaking your ass at the club for money when you’re almost 28 aint the way to live.”
“For you!” Nikki said. “I don’t even know why I talk to you anymore.” She got up and picked up her Louis Vuitton Bag. “I’m out of here,” and she left.
“Stacy, why you do that?”
“I didn’t do anything but keep it a hunnid.”
That night Nikki went over to Jeremy’s place.
“How was your day?” he asked.
“Full of shit.”
“What happened?”
Nikki explained the argument she had with Stacy.
“Well your girl do got a point.”
“What? Not you too!” She got up from his couch, getting ready to leave.
“You can’t leave every time you hear something you don’t want to hear.”
“The hell I can’t!” She was about to walk out but Jeremy grabbed her.
“What do you want out of life?”
“I don’t know.” Nikki said with an attitude.
“I know you don’t want to be an office assistant your whole life so what do you want to do?”
“I just said I don’t know!”
Jeremy walked to his bedroom and walked out with a notebook and a pen.
“Write out ideas you’ve always wanted to do. Dreams you’ve always had. Goals you’ve always wanted to accomplish.”
“And if i draw a blank?”
“You won’t.” He walked over to his bookcase. “Read this first actually,” he handed her the book Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.
“I haven’t read a book in years.”
“No reason you can’t start now.”
Nikki took the books and then placed them on the table.
“Thank you,” she put her arms around his neck and kissed him.
He released her hold.
“I’m still not interested.”
“Why? I’m changing.”
“I know. You’re changing for you and going a self discovery journey and i support it.”
Nikki got the hint, picked up the books and was getting ready to walk out the door.
“Hey, i’m having a kick back this weekend. You can cal l up a few of your girls to come have some fun.”
“And i want to hear what you think about that book this weekend.”
“Okay,” Nikki said disappointingly.
That Friday I didn’t feel like doing anything. I was having troubles of my own but I promised Nikki I would be there so I lazily got dressed and went.When I got to the kickback it was packed! I spotted Stacy right away.
“Hey girl,” we hugged each other. “I thought it was only going to be a few of us.”
“Yeah, me too.”
Apparently Jeremy thought the same thing. I heard them arguing that Nikki invited more than half of the people here. He wanted something small.
After the party Jeremy unleashed his anger.
“Why would you invite all those people to my space?”
“You said i can invite people.”
“I said you can invite a few of your girls!”
“I don’t know why you’re so upset. It was a good party.”
“It wasn’t suppose to be a party. You know what, its cool. Goodnight.”
“So that’s it?”
“Yup. You’re not what I want so its no point in stressing. Thanks for coming. Bye.” He held the door open for her.
“Are you serious right now?”
“Goodbye Nicole. Don’t call me no more please.”
“No! I want to work on this,” She pointed to both of them.
“Nah, i’m good.”
“Fine,” Nikki started to walk out.
“Hold on,” Jeremy grabbed her arm. “did anyone tell you that you would never be anything? Because I just don’t get.”
Nikki didn’t say anything.
“Or did you think you were never going to work for anything? What, you thought you were gonna date suckas your whole life til one was stupid enough to marry your unambitious ass?”
“Let me go. You already said this is is over.”
“I just want you to help me understand how you see life. You know life isn’t a handout right? You work for your shit.”
“I already told you that I can change,” Nikki said angrily.
“Change how? I encouraged you to get a job but you still have to work on yourself. You have no hobbies, no passion, you don’t care about anything.”
“But i can change.”
“So do it. Invest in yourself. I hope you find your ‘relationship goals’,” he closed the door on her.
Nikki would say Jeremy played her. But i say he taught her lessons.He wanted better for her. He wanted more for her than she wanted for herself. Unfortunately most of us learn lessons the hard way. She thought she had everything she needed in life- the clothes, shoes, great face and banging body but Jeremy made her realize that she truly indeed had nothing to offer.

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